Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
zippers are such a cool invention
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
