Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
