I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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