if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
