so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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