I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
