Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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