She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
