Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
