You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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