I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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