I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
