the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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