Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
