Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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