Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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