Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
