i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My cat gives me a boner
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
