I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
