her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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