shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
