I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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