the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
