Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
