A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
