I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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