she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
