cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
