Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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