what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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