I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I currently don't understand fingers.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
