We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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