Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize