you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
