Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
