Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
