God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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