Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
