I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
