If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
