marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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