too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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