Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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