Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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