Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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