I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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