i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
