stop calling my apartment porn island.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
