I bet he comes in French.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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