im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
