I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
