I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
