So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
