I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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