This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
