i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
