i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
