Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
