I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
