so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize