Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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