Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
