Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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