I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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