they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
