Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
